OCD production: why and how did I construct this site?

As my title may suggest, I regret to tell you that my producing this site is nothing more than what an OCD patient may behave, as my incessant need for control over every single post on this blog has already raced to the point of obsession. And also, I’ve got to admit that it is exactly this obsession that leads to all these inconvenience, both for me to craft and for you to read.

The origin: a desire for expression & exploration

It would be trivial that, my motivation for creating this blog is to express myself: I draft up posts, I upload posts, I show posts, and then, you read posts, you note posts, you think about posts. It is among the simple circle that I transit my ideas, from my own mind, over those words and sentences, and towards your very own mind.

But it may not be as trivial that, I’ve been working on this place also for exploring myself: the space allows me to organize and articulate my thoughts, to reflect on my ongoing intellectual journey. Through this platform, I can document and share the ideas that occupy my mind—ideas that range from the abstract realms of philosophical pondering to the more concrete issues surrounding my research scenario. The blog becomes a tool not just for sharing, but for deeper reflection, enabling me to observe the evolution of my own thinking over time.

The destiny: an approaching to novel & precise

Therefore, since I declare the entire sovergeignty to this site, I’d undoubtedly decree a mandate for this place: all posts are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator(me) with certain unalienable Features, that among these are Novel and Precise. And the two terms would be defined as following:

• Novel: the term novel refers to the inherent value of the posts crafted, which must stand independent of the materials that they are build upon. Each post should be a unique contribution, offering insights or information that can be appreciated and utilized on its own, without reliance on previous works or existing knowledge.

• Precise: the term precies refers to the need for posts to be structured with tight logic and substantiated with thorough materials. In crafting each post, I adhere strictly to clarity, ensuring that every argument is based on a solid foundation of evidence and reasoned reasoning.

And although it would be quite obvious, I actually paid lots of attention as to obey the mandate.

I’ve declined those suspicious “incremental work” style posts, refusing to draft up any “course-oriented guide/note” posts or any “paper-oriented guide/note” posts, which often merely summarize and/or rephrase existing material, lacking in original contribution. And sadly I couldn’t offer you any instances, although I did know some, for some other reasons.

I’ve also restricted myself to write biligually, avoiding prematurely delving into areas I do not fully understand, even if such topics may seem appealing for writing or reading, due to the pursuit of precision requiring that no details be left vague or ambiguous.

And it might be necessary to illustrate my roadmap from starting a site to restricting myself: I often find myself distrubed by the proliferation of “low-quality” content online, those proliferation of half-formed ideas, poorly researched claims, and the constant cycle of regurgitated thougs that rarely go beyond surface-level understanding.

And as I dive deeper, I come to the belief that, in contributing to this noise, we risk not just misleading others but also failing to do justice to the complexity of the topics we address. Even without the expectation of financial gain, creating content that lacks substance feels like a disservice. I have always felt that, as someone engaging in intellectual work, the responsibility lies in producing content that both challenges and enlightens, no matter what it costs.

The crisis: a frustration for a non-native & perfectionist

But the truth is, these self-imposed standards are often a source of frustration. They lead to delays, anxiety, and a kind of perfectionism that, at times, paralyzes me into inaction. Writing in a non-native language only amplifies these challenges. The act of crafting thoughts into coherent sentences requires more than just linguistic accuracy; it demands constant negotiation of meaning. With each word choice, I wrestle with how best to convey my intentions—what I want to say and how it will be understood. This negotiation slows me down and makes the entire process feel more burdensome than it otherwise would be.

The high standards I set for myself also lower my productivity. Instead of quickly capturing and sharing my ideas, I find myself obsessing over every detail, ensuring that every post is up to the level of novelty and precision I’ve promised. This often leads to drafts sitting untouched for days or even weeks, as I feel they are not yet “good enough.” The constant pressure to meet these lofty standards results in fewer, but arguably higher-quality, posts, which, while satisfying, also leaves me frustrated by the lack of output.

However, this pursuit of perfection comes at a cost—particularly for the readership. The content I produce is not easy to consume. My posts, dense with ideas and requiring deep engagement, may alienate those seeking quick and accessible reads. While I value thoughtful reflection and thorough exploration, I am aware that my approach is at odds with the fast-paced, “short and sweet” nature of much modern content consumption. And so, while I am dedicated to producing something of value, I also recognize that in doing so, I am raising the bar for what my readers need to bring to the table.

The struggle: a tension between perfection & progress

Yet, there’s a counterargument that often enters my mind, one that challenges the rigidity of my standards. “Why not accept that we are limited by our abilities?” some might say. “Why feel ashamed of working within the constraints of what we can do?” It is a thought that suggests a certain humility, a reminder that not every piece of work needs to be revolutionary. Sometimes, simply producing something, no matter how modest, is enough. This line of thinking would tell me that, perhaps, it is acceptable to create within a scope that is limited by my current abilities or circumstances—whether that means writing simpler posts or tackling more familiar ideas.

It is here that the tension between quality and quantity rears its head. On one hand, I am driven to produce work that is meaningful, thoughtful, and well-researched, but on the other, there is an undeniable reality: creation is not always easy, and sometimes the best you can do is what lies within your reach at that moment. Should I lower my expectations and allow myself to engage in lighter, more frequent posts? Should I focus on maintaining a steady flow of content, even if it sacrifices depth? Or should I remain steadfast in my pursuit of high standards, even if it means posting less frequently or requiring more time to produce each piece?

The struggle, I’ve come to realize, is not merely about output—it is about intent. It’s about finding a balance between the desire to contribute meaningful work and the recognition that perfection is an ever-elusive goal. It is the awareness that, in some moments, I may not have the time or energy to craft a masterpiece, but that doesn’t mean what I create is without worth. After all, it is not about never producing less-than-ideal work, but about doing so with intention, with the understanding that each post contributes to my broader journey of self-expression and intellectual growth.

Ultimately, this blog is an ongoing process. It represents a place where I can explore, experiment, and learn. Perhaps I’ll never completely resolve the tension between quality and quantity, but that is okay. The very act of writing and sharing is itself a form of progress. I’ve learned that it’s not just about getting the details perfect, nor is it about publishing something for the sake of having something out there. It’s about creating a space that reflects who I am, where I am, and where I hope to go. And sometimes, that means embracing imperfection, letting go of the need for control, and allowing my thoughts to flow—however they may come.

The pursuit: a balance between expression & standard

So, while my tendency to obsess over the details of this site may appear excessive, it stems from a deep desire for authenticity. It’s not about impressing others; it’s about aligning my work with my own standards of thought and expression. Ultimately, this blog represents more than just the content I create—it’s a space where I can engage with the complexities of my own mind, reflect on my intellectual journey, and contribute to the broader conversation. Even if my voice is just one among many, the act of sharing it, as holding myself to high standards, is what makes it meaningful to me.