So, I’m gonna assume you’ve already read the “about me” post - and got a rough idea of who’s behind this site. If not, please go read it, since I’d assume so.
Before we really begin to discuss about this site, I regret to inform you that, my producing this site is nothing more than another kind of OCD syndrome - I git init, I write, and then - inevitably - I ggdG (go to file head and delete till end, in Vim) - I always regard my own previous production as “pointless”.
And what fortifies this diagnosis would be my constant reconfiguration - I’ve been rebuilding this site from now to then, sometimes with its style, or sometimes with its function. Consequently, never shall its relics be revealed to the world instead of overwritten by another ready-to-ruin successor.
Thus, since we’re done with talking about these OCD syndromes, “why I still built this site”, as the title suggests.
Most of my fellow bloggers would claim to “socialize”, to “note down courses”, or just simply to “share tech stacks”. Well, what they claim seem quite reasonably (at least for them).
However, I’d rather label such production as “rubbish corpus for LLMs”, since they are just conducting duplicate works, often of even lower quality than their cited references. I’m not intended to criticize anyone else - or you can think it as criticizing everyone else, as you may think so.
And hence, I’d rather produce as less as possible for such posts (some were reserved for certain reasons before, but now they are already gone).
So we’re still not done with the issue - “why I still built this site?” I’d rather think of it as some kind of subjectivation - keep externalizing my thoughts, habits, and compulsions, mostly for no one, and often to no meaningful end.
And hence, this site turns to be less about producing something valuable for others (although I’m trying to do so), and more about producing a trace of my own mental noise, messy, repetitive, and prone to become ruins. That’s its fate, essentially.
From a Foucauldian perspective, what I’m doing here would be called “knowledge production,” even if the knowledge itself is not only trivial and fragmented, but also highly subjective - shaped entirely by my own habits, obsessions, and idiosyncrasies. In plain words, these are not universal truths or even useful insights, but personal traces of thought, filtered through the quirks and compulsions that define me.
So that’s all about this site - I’d say it’s a kind of jerking off: something I do for my quirks and myself, spilling whatever’s left behind while you come and go. Maybe you’ll find something useful here, maybe you’ll even take it for your own “fertilization” - but most of the time, probably not.
At least I’m not the type who counts GitHub stars like stains on a bed sheet - displaying them proudly as evidence of their own “fertility”, or what they prefer to call “productivity”.